Do you ever have a hard time making peace with things that just don’t seem to make sense? Ever find yourself ruminating over the same issues day to day week to week with no resolution or understanding? How do you handle it? Well, for a long time I would probe and ask all the questions I could think of sometimes repeatedly just so that I could make sense of things. This consumed a lot of time and energy that I could never recover. There’s always been a part of me that likes to figure things out and pin down solutions. Sure, I can enjoy a challenge when it something technical or game involved but people, on the other hand, will drive you crazy if you’re not careful.
I’ve reached a point that I want more peace than anything else in my life. I’ve had my bouts with anxiety, depression, and insomnia like so many for more than half of my life. Now I look at things in a way that if it isn’t life threatening or something that can impact my livelihood, I just have to let it go. Of course it’s easier said than done yet it has become habit forming for me. The bickering and back and forth dialogue be it text or verbally was just not worth the feeling of being drained and bothered day in and day out. There was a time when I said “OK” only after understanding or agreeing. Now, my “OK” is used as a means of dismissal to the conversation. Sometimes, stepping away for a moment brings clarity once I let the discussion sink in. Surely, I can have a change of heart later or maybe not at all. When that doesn’t turn out to be the be the case, I just move forward… like the hands on a clock …to either revisit the issue later or not at all.
What I’ve seen is how smoothly things work themselves out without me interjecting my desires in the situation repeatedly. I have a knack for fixing things or offering solutions and what not only for my unsolicited suggestions to fall on deaf ears sometimes. You know that saying that goes “let go and let God”, it hits different for me because I’m actually practicing detachment more and more at work, in ministry, and in my relationships.
